Intimacy Issues: Knowing the Signs, Causes, and Management Tips

Having close relationships with others involves maintaining intimacy. But some people struggle to do this for various reasons. Intimacy issues may make it difficult to build deep connections with others and keep relationships going strong — but there are effective ways to handle this.

Understanding intimacy, including possible signs and causes of intimacy problems, is helpful for those who are experiencing these issues. In the following sections, we’ll go over different types of intimacy, discuss signs and causes of intimacy problems, and provide tips for addressing these issues. 

Understanding the types of intimacy

Intimacy takes multiple forms in relationships. Some people struggle with one kind of intimacy. Others might have trouble with more than one type. Below, we’ll explore a few of the main types of intimacy that are a key part of strong, lasting relationships. 

Emotional intimacy 

Being emotionally intimate with someone means being comfortable showing vulnerability and sharing personal feelings. This kind of intimacy also involves being willing to share thoughts and discuss fears. 

Emotional intimacy allows people to feel secure in their relationships. It encourages partners to be honest and trusting with each other. This type of intimacy helps partners build a deep connection where they can feel safe opening up about anything they’re feeling or experiencing. 

Physical intimacy 

Being physically intimate with someone refers to having close physical contact. For those in a romantic relationship, this may include sexual contact and sexual desire, along with hand-holding, cuddling, hugging, and other kinds of physical contact. 

Physical intimacy allows partners to express their feelings and affection for each other in physical or sexual ways. This type of intimacy helps deepen their connection. 

Intellectual intimacy 

Being intellectually intimate with someone means feeling safe sharing opinions and ideas. It also involves turning to each other for feedback and being able to have discussions or debates about various topics or ideas in a healthy manner. 

Intellectual intimacy helps couples learn from each other, which helps build respect, honesty, and trust. It helps each partner grow and learn to appreciate other perspectives, enriching their lives and building empathy.

The signs of intimacy issues 

Intimacy issues usually refer to fears or a reluctance to be close to someone physically, emotionally, or intellectually. For some individuals, emotional intimacy may be challenging. Others might have a hard time with physical or intellectual intimacy. For some, any kind of intimacy with a partner may be difficult. 

We’ll discuss some fear of intimacy signs that may be present when someone is struggling with intimacy issues. 

Emotional intimacy issues 

Individuals with these types of intimacy issues often have trouble getting emotionally close or forming an emotional connection with someone. Examples of this might include:

• Refusing to talk about their feelings, thoughts, and fears
• Not talking about future plans for the relationship or their own goals
• Having difficulty expressing what they need emotionally 
• Having a hard time trusting their partner 
• Sabotaging the relationship, such as pushing their partner away emotionally
• Feeling the need to be perfect or have unrealistic expectations about themselves and/or the relationship 
• Engaging in serial dating to avoid becoming close or attached to one person

Physical intimacy issues 

Those with physical intimacy issues tend to have difficulty with physical and/or sexual contact with their partner. Examples of these issues may include:

• Pulling away or stiffening up when their partner tries to hug or cuddle 
• Avoiding being sexually intimate with their partner 
• Treating sex as an obligation or lacking enthusiasm about it 

Intellectual intimacy issues 

Individuals with these types of intimacy issues have a hard time discussing opinions and ideas with their partner. Examples of these issues might include:

• Not engaging in mentally stimulating discussions with their partner 
• Refusing to share their ideas and/or show disinterest in listening to their partner’s ideas 
• Debating differences in opinions in an unhealthy manner with their partner

What can cause intimacy issues?

Why do some people develop problems with intimacy? This might happen for many reasons, ranging from childhood experiences to current stressors. In the following sections, we’ll go over some possible causes of intimacy issues. 

Past trauma, abuse, and neglect 

Those with past experiences of neglect, abuse, or trauma may have difficulty forming intimate connections with others. Note that both physical and verbal abuse could lead to trauma, which may end up leading to intimacy issues. 

For example, someone who has lost a loved one unexpectedly may have fears about getting close to someone. Their fears of suffering this kind of loss again may interfere with their ability to form a deep connection with a partner. 

Adverse childhood experiences 

For some people, intimacy issues have their roots in childhood experiences. During childhood, the kind of care children receive from their parents or main caregivers may lead to a certain kind of attachment style. 

Some develop avoidant attachment styles that may lead to problems with emotional intimacy in adult relationships, for example. They may develop unstable relationships instead of healthy ones. Others develop anxious attachment styles that may cause a fear of abandonment, such as excessive worries about losing their partner. 

Individuals with adverse childhood experiences, childhood trauma, or insecure attachment styles may engage in self-sabotaging behavior that makes it hard to form intimate relationships. 

Stress and anxiety 

Dealing with severe or chronic stress and anxiety can take a toll on intimacy in a relationship. Individuals who are experiencing this may struggle to maintain emotional or physical intimacy with their partner. 

Being focused on coping with anxiety and stress might cause them to distance themselves from their partner. They might not want physical contact. Or they might shut down and refuse to talk about what they’re going through. 

If both partners are struggling with stress and anxiety, it might be even harder to stay connected and express intimacy emotionally and/or physically. For example, couples going through severe financial troubles might develop intimacy problems. 

Differing needs and desires 

People grow and change as they go through life, which might lead to changes in their needs and desires. Some couples may find that maintaining intimacy becomes harder due to these differences.

For example, one partner’s desire or need for physical or sexual intimacy might end up being lower due to stress or other causes. This might lead to a lack of intimacy that strains the relationship. 

Communication problems 

Communication is an important part of a healthy relationship. Problems communicating could result in misunderstandings or other problems that reduce intimacy between partners. 

For example, one partner might misinterpret or make assumptions about what their partner means instead of actively listening to them and asking for clarification. This may lead to arguments, frustration, and other issues that push couples apart and make it harder to be emotionally and physically intimate. 

Tips for confronting and managing intimacy issues 

For those dealing with intimacy issues in their relationship, there are ways to effectively address these problems. Doing so may help couples rekindle their feelings for each other and reestablish a strong connection. 

Below, we’ll go over some helpful tips for confronting and managing issues in intimate relationships. 

Take gradual steps 

While intimacy issues can be stressful and frustrating, expecting partners to change their behavior overnight isn’t realistic. Instead, taking small, manageable steps helps with building intimacy and trust over time. 

This might be a slow process, especially in relationships where intimacy issues have been going on for a while. But both partners can focus on steadily making progress toward growing close again after acknowledging and discussing these issues. 

Communicate openly and honestly 

Being open and honest may not be easy for those who struggle with intimacy. But it’s an important part of building a strong connection and resolving intimacy issues. Conversations about intimacy problems should take place in an environment that helps both partners feel at ease. 

Partners should listen to each other without any judgment. This helps encourage open and honest communication so that couples can work through intimacy issues and grow closer.

Seek professional help 

In some cases, couples may need more assistance resolving intimacy issues. Those dealing with deeper issues surrounding intimacy may benefit from seeking professional guidance from a therapist. 

These mental health professionals help couples or individuals work through complex intimacy problems and improve skills that make relationships stronger, such as communication skills. 

SonderMind is an excellent resource that provides in-person and online therapy for those looking for help navigating intimacy issues. With SonderMind, couples or individuals can quickly and easily connect with a therapist from the comfort of their own homes and work toward improving intimacy concerns in a safe environment.

How can therapy help with intimacy issues?

Therapy may help those with intimacy issues understand what they’re experiencing and what may be causing these problems. A therapist can help them resolve these issues and learn effective coping strategies for handling difficult emotions and stressful situations. 

Those with a significant other whose intimacy issues are affecting their relationship may also benefit from therapy. A therapist can help them understand the situation better and learn how to address these issues with their partner in an adaptive manner, rather than responding out of frustration or stress. 

Couples can also go to therapy together to work through intimacy issues. Therapists can guide them through the process of resolving these problems and building a stronger relationship. 

Engage in self-care 

Intimacy issues may have a negative impact on both partners’ self-esteem. One partner might feel lonely or unwanted if their loved one struggles with emotional or physical intimacy, for example. 

Self-care provides a way to boost low self-esteem and enhance well-being overall — which helps improve intimacy in relationships. When people feel better about themselves, they may find it easier to address intimacy issues and manage them. 

Self-care means setting aside time to focus on activities or other things that bring joy and contentment and ease stress. Writing in a journal, taking walks, or doing a hobby are just a few examples of self-care. A therapist can also suggest self-care activities that you may not have thought of!

Find the support you need with SonderMind 

Intimacy issues can put a strain on relationships, but these problems can be managed or resolved with the right support. Going through individual therapy, couples therapy, or both can help with working through different kinds of intimacy problems to help couples grow closer. 

SonderMind can connect you with a licensed mental health professional for the guidance and support you need to address relationship issues. Whether you’re interested in online or in-person therapy, SonderMind makes it easy to get effective access to the support you need when you need it.

Connect with a SonderMind therapist today.