How to Handle Insecurities in Relationships and Strengthen Your Bond

SonderMind
Thursday, January 30

Feeling like you’re not enough for your partner may indicate that you’re struggling with insecurity. Being insecure often goes hand in hand with having low self-confidence and feelings of inadequacy. 

Insecurity can have harmful effects on relationships, such as causing trust issues or intimacy problems. But understanding possible causes and using effective strategies can help you manage and overcome these feelings. 

Below, we’ll explore what might cause insecurity in relationships. We’ll also take a closer look at how these feelings affect relationships and how you can work on managing and overcoming them for a healthier and happier relationship with your significant other. 

Possible reasons for feeling insecure in a relationship

Relationship insecurity has several possible causes, from past experiences to more recent struggles. These factors can impact trust and emotional stability — two important elements in a healthy partnership. Some of the possible reasons for feelings of insecurity in relationships include:

  • Past trauma or negative relationship experiences: Experiencing trauma, such as being cheated on in a previous relationship, may lead to feelings of insecurity. Partners with these kinds of past experiences may have trouble feeling secure and trusting their current partner.
  • Attachment styles: Having abandonment issues that stem from attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant attachment, can result in feelings of insecurity. Being neglected or rejected in past relationships or by a caregiver during childhood can cause individuals to fear that their current partner will abandon them, too.     
  • Communication issues: Struggling to communicate with a partner may cause feelings of insecurity. For example, a partner might feel insecure if their relationship lacks open, honest communication. 
  • Self-esteem struggles: A partner with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence might not feel worthy of love or happiness in a relationship. They may also be much more sensitive to rejection and worry more about being rejected. 
  • Social anxiety: Dealing with intense anxiety in social situations may cause the anxious partner to feel insecure, especially if their partner is more sociable and outgoing. 

The impact of insecurities in a relationship

Feelings of insecurity can end up affecting a relationship in different ways, leading to any of the following problems with a partner:

  • Misunderstandings: If you struggle with insecurity, you might misinterpret what your partner says or does, resulting in arguments.  
  • Trust issues: Having feelings of insecurity can make it hard to trust your partner, whether that’s due to abandonment issues or past experiences with a partner who betrayed you. 
  • Emotional distance: Insecurities can make it difficult for partners to maintain emotional intimacy. Trust issues, communication problems, and other effects of these feelings can push partners apart. 
  • Conflict: Being insecure in a relationship can result in increased conflict between partners. This can happen due to a lack of trust, jealousy, fear of rejection, misunderstandings, and other issues.

Insecurities might be causing issues in your relationship. But you and your partner can turn things around and work on building a stronger partnership. Addressing these feelings also leads to personal growth — and improved mental wellness overall. 

9 strategies to manage and overcome insecurities in a relationship 

Even if insecurities have been affecting your relationship, you can take steps to manage them and grow closer to your partner. From identifying insecurities to reaching out for professional help, we’ll walk you through several strategies you can use to manage and overcome feelings of insecurity. 

1.  Recognize and acknowledge your insecurities 

Overcoming insecurities starts with being able to identify and acknowledge them. It might not be easy to admit these feelings, but this self-awareness is a step toward healing, boosting your mental well-being, and strengthening your relationship. 

Think about what the root cause of these insecurities might be, such as past experiences, self-worth issues, fears of rejection, or another cause. Note that there might be more than one cause.

2.  Communicate openly with your partner 

Avoid trying to hide your insecurities or refusing to discuss them, as this may lead to more problems in your relationship. Instead, talk about these feelings and fears with your partner openly in a calm, honest, and non-confrontational manner. 

Clear and open communication helps you understand each other better and builds trust. This allows the two of you to work through insecurities together, paving the way to a stronger bond. 

3.  Build self-esteem and confidence

Those who struggle with insecurity in a relationship often have self-esteem issues and a lack of confidence. Focusing on your strengths, achievements, and the qualities that make you a unique individual can help you boost your self-confidence and reduce self-doubt.

Focusing on self-love and developing a strong sense of self can help you stop feeling insecure in your relationship.  

4.  Set healthy boundaries 

Boundaries offer a great way to create a sense of safety and autonomy in a relationship with insecurities. These are respectful limits you and your partner set on what you’re each comfortable with, such as topics of conversation or certain behaviors, and what you find unacceptable. 

Having boundaries can help you feel more secure in your partnership. For example, the boundaries you and your partner have may help ease fears about rejection or abandonment and foster trust. 

5.  Challenge negative thoughts 

When you struggle with insecurities, you might have maladaptive or negative thoughts, such as criticizing yourself or expecting the worst in every interaction or situation with your partner. 

Work on identifying and reframing these thoughts when you catch yourself having them. Doing so can help shift your mindset from negative self-talk to a more pleasant, adaptive one in regards to your relationship. 

For example, if you put yourself down and think your partner should find someone “better,” remind yourself of your strengths and unique qualities — and tell yourself that you’re worthy of being loved. 

6.  Avoid comparing yourself to others 

Does every other partnership seem to be in better shape than your own relationship? Comparing yourself and your relationship to others’ partnerships isn’t helpful. In fact, it may make it harder to manage and overcome feelings of insecurity. 

Remind yourself that every relationship is unique and has its own struggles and issues. Rather than focusing on external influences, focus on the strengths of your relationship and the progress you and your partner make while working through insecurities.  

7.  Practice trust and let go of control 

Being insecure in a relationship can make it difficult to trust your partner. You might try to control certain aspects of your partnership out of fear, mistrust, jealousy, or anxiety. 

In order to handle and overcome insecurities, work on giving your partner space to be themselves and have their own interests, hobbies, and friendships. Trust their commitment to your relationship instead of worrying about or overanalyzing every behavior or action.

8.  Work on emotional regulation 

Having insecurities often means dealing with anger, jealousy, fear, and similar strong emotions. Without healthy emotional regulation, these feelings can cause even more problems in your relationship and push you and your partner further apart. 

Use strategies to manage intense emotions, such as deep breathing or mindfulness, as these can help you feel calmer and more in control of your feelings. You might also benefit from journaling to reflect on your emotions or other forms of self-care to feel less anxious. Avoid any reactive behaviors that could escalate conflicts, such as yelling at your partner.

9.  Consider talk therapy 

Having a safe, nonjudgmental space to share your feelings and work on growth and understanding is important. A therapist can provide this kind of environment for you through individual counseling or for you and your partner through couples therapy

Your therapist can help you get to the root causes of insecurities and develop healthier ways to communicate in your relationship. You’ll also learn strategies to help make your partnership stronger. 

Build self-esteem and stronger connections with SonderMind 

It can be hard to prevent insecurities from affecting your current relationship in the first place. But with time and practice, you can address feelings of insecurity, learn to manage them, and eventually overcome them. Working to resolve insecurities can lead to a healthier relationship and better mental wellness for you and maybe even your partner. 

At SonderMind, we make it simple to connect with a qualified and licensed mental health professional who can help you work on self-esteem, develop self-compassion, and improve your interpersonal relationships.  

Get started with SonderMind today to start building more confidence in yourself and your relationship.

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