Empty Nesters: How to Manage Loneliness When Your Kids Move Out

Parents spend years watching their children grow, learn, and explore the world. Before you know it, it’s time for your children to move on and start their own lives and families. Suddenly, the house is empty and the daily routines that once revolved around your kids have come to a halt. 

While this shift can bring you pride and excitement knowing that your kids are thriving on their own, it can also bring on many other emotions, including sadness and loneliness. 

If you’re an “empty nester” and feeling lonely, know that this is entirely normal, and that you’re not alone. Here, we’ll share why parents may experience loneliness when their kids move out, and a few tips on what you can do to cope — including how therapy from SonderMind can offer the support you need to feel fulfilled and happy in this new stage of life. 

Why parents feel lonely when their kids move out

As a parent, you spend years dedicated to raising your children, with your world revolving around them from the moment they’re born. They change your routines and priorities, and as they grow, bring unique perspectives that challenge your thinking and help you grow, too. 

Having kids is life changing, so it’s no wonder many parents and caregivers feel lonely, emotional, and even a little lost when their children leave for college or move into their own place. You may feel that you’ve lost your purpose or sense of identity. Even with phone calls, texts, video calls, and of course, visits, it’s normal for the physical absence of your kids to leave a void not just in your homes, but your heart, too. 

These feelings of sadness and other challenging emotions that parents often experience when their children leave home has been referred to as “empty nest syndrome.” Empty nest syndrome is not a clinical disorder or diagnosis, but rather a term used to describe this transitional period and emotional experience that comes along with it. Women typically experience empty nest syndrome more often than men do, and if you’re a stay-at-home parent, you may experience stronger emotions now that your day-to-day life is no longer focused on caring for your children’s daily needs. 

While the sense of sadness, grief, and loneliness associated with empty nest syndrome is common, it’s important to know that you can adjust to this new phase in life and thrive as an empty nester. 

5 tips to help you adjust to being an empty nester 

While it may take a little time, you’ll likely find yourself adjusting to life with an empty nest sooner than you expected. These tips can help you not just combat loneliness and other challenging emotions you may experience as a parent when your kids move out, but also help you boost your well-being and make the most of this new stage of life. 

1. Keep busy 

Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can play a big role in helping you combat loneliness once your kids leave home. Whether it's pursuing old or new hobbies, joining social clubs, building a new skill, or volunteering, staying active provides an opportunity to connect with others who share similar interests. These experiences not only fill your time up, but also help you build a supportive network and create a new sense of purpose outside of parenting and caregiving. 

So try out that new exercise class or start that cooking blog you’ve always thought about doing once things slowed down. Embracing time for yourself can go a long way in helping you adjust to life without kids in the house. 

2. Connect with other empty nesters 

Chances are, you know people who are going through the same experience you are. Whether it’s a life-long friend, a parent of your child’s friend, a sibling, or a neighbor, reach out to those you know who are also adjusting to an empty nest. Talking with those who relate to how you’re feeling can offer valuable support and comfort, and help you recognize you’re not alone in the challenges and emotions that come with this new phase of life. 

It can also be helpful to join a support group or engage in an online forum for empty nesters. Through these connections and conversations, you can gain insights, exchange advice, and even form new friendships. Connecting with other parents can serve as a lifeline as you navigate the empty nest stage, and help you keep in mind that there is still an exciting world waiting to be explored beyond parenthood. 

3. Stay in touch with your children 

Just because your kids move out doesn’t mean they won’t want to keep up with you. Look to establish a regular communication schedule with them, whether it's through phone calls, video chats, or text messages. This consistent connection can help you maintain a strong bond with your kids and allows you to stay updated on what’s going on in their lives. 

Additionally, planning regular visits or outings with your kids can provide opportunities for quality time together. If your child is in college, plan to go to their Parents’ Weekend on campus, or consider other appropriate times to visit them, like for a sporting or school event. If they’re within driving distance, maybe it’s planning to have lunch with them once a month. Or, if they’re further away, it can be helpful to plan a visit or two a semester ahead of time so you have something to look forward to. 

If your child has moved out but is still local, consider planning weekly or bi-monthly dinner dates with them to catch up. By actively pursuing and maintaining these avenues of communication, you’ll still feel connected with your kids and be able to nurture a new, equally-fulfilling relationship with them after they’ve moved out. 

4. Embrace the new  

Adjusting to change can be challenging and overwhelming, but it can also offer an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. With an empty house, you can now focus on you. Consider: 

• Pursuing your passions: Take up new activities, join clubs or classes, travel, or even embark on a second career.
• Reconnecting with your partner: Spend more one-on-one time with your significant other to nurture a stronger bond.
• Prioritizing your health and well-being: Dedicate more time to self-care, eating well, staying active, and doing more of what fulfills you and makes you happy.
• Exploring new friendships and social connections: Spend more time with old friends and look to make new ones to help expand your social life and support network. 

Ultimately, embracing this new stage of life can empower you to rediscover yourself and find fulfillment and a new purpose outside of your role as a caregiver. This is important, as studies have shown that having a purpose in life could promote your physical health, mental health, and happiness. 

5. Seek professional help 

When it comes to adjusting to a child-free home, you don’t have to go it alone. If your feelings of loneliness are getting in the way of your well-being, it might be time to talk to a licensed mental health professional. Talk therapy is a great resource for parents adjusting to an empty nest. It provides a safe space for you to talk through your feelings and emotions, validate your experiences, and create coping mechanisms to manage your new lifestyle. During therapy, you’ll work with your therapist to establish goals and create a treatment plan to achieve them. 

Sometimes, underlying issues may contribute to feelings of loneliness, grief, sadness, and other negative emotions. Meeting with a licensed therapist can help to uncover these issues, if they exist, and they’ll work with you to develop coping strategies and a care plan to address them. 

Get extra support from SonderMind 

There’s no shame in seeking help, and SonderMind is here for you as you navigate this new stage of life. We can connect you with a licensed therapist who will offer you the personalized, ongoing support you need to address your unique challenges and meet your goals. Just let us know what you’re looking for in a therapist, and we’ll connect you with someone within 48 hours. Meet with them online or in person, use your insurance or self-pay, and get access to resources and tools to help you enjoy and thrive in this new phase.